elfhame | tran·quil·i·ty - the quality or state of being calm.

tran·quil·i·ty - the quality or state of being calm.

Anders only dimly remembered being caught. It had been such a stereotypical stormy night. He remembered being soaked and weak as hunger had made his entire body feel like it was weighed down. He remembered that he had been feeling that, but he couldn't exactly recall exactly what it felt like. It seemed so far away.

He could remember fighting, killing some of them, and struggling against all of their attacks despite the futility. He remembered panicking when they told him what they had in store for him. He just couldn't remember why he had been so worried. Even the panic seemed so far away.

His entire body rocked as his Caretaker finished with what he was doing and then rolled off of him. It was strange, how his mind wandered back to that night when he with the older man.

"Clean up and get dressed," the Caretaker said as he got up. "You're expected downstairs."

Anders obeyed because orders were easy things to focus on. He was dimly aware that he had been so afraid of being used this way, before. It just couldn't filter through as to why. Even now, it seemed more of a chore than anything.

The robes that had been laid out for him were form fitting and light. They hugged his body and showed off how thin he really was. He had on a gold collar too, something the Caretaker had put on him long ago and told him never to remove. He pulled up his hair and got most of it out of his face. Moving it exposed the brand on his forehead. He remembered being so upset over the idea of having one, and now it seemed so normal, expected.

Downstairs was the research library. They were looking into stronger ways to Silence mages without branding them and Anders had been invaluable with the process.

Everyone around him seemed to find that terribly funny, but Anders couldn't respond to their snickering. He could do anything other than what he was told.

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"I'll be fine." Even as a Tranquil, Anders is compassionate at heart. Nathaniel takes out the makeup he needs and begins to draw carefully on Anders' face. It's a precise sort of business, but Nathaniel got practiced at this during his time in the Wardens. The Commander liked being able to go places incognito, and so did he. No better way to remain unquestioned than to be a venerable old person. Daubing, smudging, and the years layer onto Anders' face like snowfall.

The work has him calmed down by the time it's finished. He has direction, and a way to make things better. One thing at a time. One day, he will help Anders recover from all this. But first, he has to get him to Bethany. A network of safe houses lies between them and her. Only a few million troubles could crop up in the in-betweens.

Once the paint is finished, he sits Anders down and hands him a hunk of bread and a waterskin.

"Eat and drink quickly. We have to be going."

Anders eats in silence. He goes through the motions of eating without experiencing any pleasure at filling his stomach. He ends up watching the stream as he does though he's careful to do it as quickly as he can manage.

"Where are we going?" he asks calmly. It's not really curiosity that fuels his question so much as just figuring out what to expect.

Nathaniel shakes his head. A coldness enters his voice.

"Places. I can't tell you. I know you want to be helpful--"

He stops himself and closes his eyes. No. He can't let himself start treating Anders like a different person when he's Tranquil. Everything he says now, Anders will remember when he's himself. Nothing has changed about him. Regardless, Nathaniel refuses to be a man who takes out his pain on an innocent. His eyes open and he sinks down to sit beside him.

"We're going to meet Bethany Hawke," he says softly. "You must not tell anyone that. She is going to cure you. I do not know where on the road ahead she will meet us, but I imagine it will be somewhere where the Veil is thin."

Anders accepts that and finishes the bread. He remembers that Bethany is a good person and there's no reason to not follow Nathaniel.

"What should I tell those we meet?" he asked, trying still make this as easy for Nathaniel as possible.

Something in Nathaniel's chest eases. Tranquil, not devoid of free will. Right.

"That you were in the Spire when the Circles fell. You worked in a novelty store for a time. Now you're traveling with whoever is willing to take you however far, trying to reach family in Ferelden who've lately agreed to take you back. I'll write up letters and documents you can keep to prove it all."

Anders accepts that as well and then stands. "I am ready to leave when you are." It wasn't as if he really had much else to do. The dread he had felt about leaving was gone.

Nathaniel looks to the pillar of smoke miles away, reassured that it's still burning.

"With any luck, they'll think you burned in that fire." He looks at Anders. "Does it hurt to ride?"

He's not sure what he can do about it if it does. Chances are the latest rape wasn't too violent, as pliant as Anders is as a Tranquil.

His anger boils again at the thought that a not-too-violent rape is something to hope for.

Anders considers him for a moment. "Walking would be worse," he replies after a moment, but that mostly has to do with how exhausted that would make him. Riding a horse isn't exactly relaxing, but at least he doesn't have to pay attention where they are going.

Nathaniel nods and helps him mount. Nestles him between his arms again, as he should be. The rest of the day and night is spent well off the road, as horses and wagons come to investigate the pillar of smoke. Anders is free to sleep while they ride, but Nathaniel can't. He won't feel free to sleep for a while yet.

It's when they make it to the first town that he seems to relax. Their papers, all very official-looking as Nathaniel had them prepared, identify them as Jack Miter and Aidan Mac Comas, and they are let through the gates without a fuss.

"They're looking for an arsonist," the guard apologizes. "We're supposed to check everyone coming through."

Nathaniel frowns thoughtfully. "I saw some great cloud of smoke away to the southish," he grunts. "They think it a fellow who'll run all this way?"

The guard shrugs helplessly. "I wouldn't know. I do as I'm told." He nods them through.

Nathaniel gets them a room and food, and insists on eating in public where they can be seen to be innocent. He sends Anders to the room to rest first, and joins him an hour or so later.

"Well," he says lowly as he shuts the door, "rumor has it someone burned down that tower to murder you."

Anders slept off and on during the trip and had been Tranquil all day. He's sitting on the bed when Nathaniel comes in and looks up at him, face still passive.

"That means you are not in danger," he pointed out. There wasn't any hope in that, or even a sign that Nathaniel's safety was something he really cared about. He was mostly stating a fact. "As long as they do not discover the lie."

"It also means you are in less danger, if they truly think you are dead. But it could be a rumor spread to make us overconfident. Stay in character. You are Aidan Mac Comas for now, unless it's just you and me."

He sits on the bed and releases a long, weary sigh. Maker, he is ready for sleep.

Anders accepts that and looks down at his hands. "Should I wash this off?" he asks, about the paint and the stuff in his hair. He had kept it because he hadn't been told to clean it off and it wasn't so uncomfortable as to make him think he should take it off.

"Only if you want to. I'll have to reapply it when we wake up anyway."

Anders got up and cleaned himself off. He watched his face in the mirror has became more and more himself. Finally, he was mostly blond again. They'd have to get some kind of stronger soap to get all of the gray out.

He turned to look back at Nathaniel. "We should both sleep," he said and then started to sit on the floor so he could sleep there.

Nathaniel reached out and beckoned somewhat impatiently.

"You should sleep in the bed. Maker. Even if I have to sleep on the floor. Do you think you'll...mind, if you wake up feeling yourself again, or...?"

He's not sure how to obtain permission from someone who can't give permission. Maybe he should sleep on the floor just to be safe.

"Never mind. Take the bed."

He grabbed an extra blanket and slid to the floor.

"We have shared a bed before," he pointed out. He didn't have a concept of feeling weird about that so he thought it made sense that if Nathaniel wanted him in the bed they could share.

Still, he rose and made his way to it. He wasn't self-less enough in this state to insist on Nate taking it. That and he was pretty sore. Even a Tranquil can feel pain.

He just doesn't want Anders waking up in a panic to find someone in bed with him. But he stays as close to the bed as possible and falls asleep quickly.

Anders sleeps peacefully for the first few hours. Tranquil aren't supposed to dream, cut from the Fade as they are, but while he's sleeping Justice is able to try and push through again.

Anders wakes up as Justice stitches part of himself back together and cries out in pain. He's not panicked about the presence of someone else in the room so much as the imagery that was crammed into his head all at once for the moment that Justice was successful.

He rolls onto his side and curls up. Once hand moves around his head and he tries to force himself to not cry. He hasn't cried since he was 12. He had demanded that of himself, to never let them see him cry. In that moment, though, it just seems so crowded in his head and chest that he isn't sure what else he could do.

The cry awakens Nathaniel abruptly, and before he can even pry his eyes open he is groping for Anders.

"I'm here," he mumbles, finding a hand and grasping it. "It's me, it's Nathaniel. I'm here."

Anders shifts and grips onto Nathaniel, arms moving around his shoulders. The angle is very awkward and they flop over uncomfortably. Still, the closeness calms him down and lets him regain control of himself. He's breathing heavily but the panic slowly moves back.

Slowly, he lets up enough to let Nathaniel get more comfortable in the bed but doesn't let go completely to make it clear that Nathaniel being on the bed is what he wants.

"All right." Nathaniel grabs his pillow and climbs into bed, getting comfortable before settling with his arms tightly around Anders. Now that he's a little more conscious, he is incredibly relieved that Anders is back again. It proves that the first time wasn't a fluke, that he isn't gone forever.

"I'm here," he murmurs against his ear. "You're finally safe."

Anders nods and settles against him, pressing into Nathaniel's body because the shape of him is comforting and strong.

"I love you," he says, quickly, because he doesn't know how long this will last and he doesn't want to miss out on saying it while he can.

"I love you too," Nathaniel whispers, touching their foreheads. "Even when you're Tranquil, I love you. We will make it through this."

He may not get much sleep tonight, but it's a worthwhile sacrifice if he can have some time with Anders.

"Do you want me to sleep next to you from now on, in case this happens again?"

"Yes please," he says. He sighs a bit, taking comfort in the fact that Nathaniel is a good man who would never lie about this. The sensation of being loved is one he wants to keep for as long as possible.

"Though you're such a gentleman for taking the floor," and that part has a bit of a teasing tone to it, even though his smile is still muted by the emotions he's feeling, the teasing is a good sign.

Maker, it is good to hear Anders tease. Nathaniel gives a suppressed laugh, unvoiced, almost just a sharp exhalation.

"I didn't want to assume you gave me permission."

He hesitates, then kisses Anders lightly on the lips.

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