tran·quil·i·ty - the quality or state of being calm.

[apostasy]

Anders only dimly remembered being caught. It had been such a stereotypical stormy night. He remembered being soaked and weak as hunger had made his entire body feel like it was weighed down. He remembered that he had been feeling that, but he couldn't exactly recall exactly what it felt like. It seemed so far away.

He could remember fighting, killing some of them, and struggling against all of their attacks despite the futility. He remembered panicking when they told him what they had in store for him. He just couldn't remember why he had been so worried. Even the panic seemed so far away.

His entire body rocked as his Caretaker finished with what he was doing and then rolled off of him. It was strange, how his mind wandered back to that night when he with the older man.

"Clean up and get dressed," the Caretaker said as he got up. "You're expected downstairs."

Anders obeyed because orders were easy things to focus on. He was dimly aware that he had been so afraid of being used this way, before. It just couldn't filter through as to why. Even now, it seemed more of a chore than anything.

The robes that had been laid out for him were form fitting and light. They hugged his body and showed off how thin he really was. He had on a gold collar too, something the Caretaker had put on him long ago and told him never to remove. He pulled up his hair and got most of it out of his face. Moving it exposed the brand on his forehead. He remembered being so upset over the idea of having one, and now it seemed so normal, expected.

Downstairs was the research library. They were looking into stronger ways to Silence mages without branding them and Anders had been invaluable with the process.

Everyone around him seemed to find that terribly funny, but Anders couldn't respond to their snickering. He could do anything other than what he was told.

Comments

[pinprick]

No. Nathaniel's heart sinks, hope shrinking around it. With a sigh, he reaches out to take his shoulder and shake him awake.

"Time to go, my love. We should not tarry here over-long."

[apostasy]

Anders wakes gently and looks up at him dully. After Nate speaks, he gets up and moves to start putting the gray back into his hair. He doesn't say anything, but it's clear from his lack of expression that he's cut off from his emotions again.

[pinprick]

This is going to make things hard, when they need sleep. If Anders wakes up himself again, neither of them will want to go back to sleep. Nathaniel makes a mental note that they should catch frequent, short naps and plan to travel if and when Anders is connected to the Fade again.

Nathaniel has just finished applying Anders' makeup when there is a knock at the door.

"Get your lazy ass up!" shouts a cheery dwarven voice from around the middle of the door. "It's the middle of the sodding afternoon and we're going to have guests coming in soon! Unless you want to pay for another night..."

Nathaniel throws a shoe at the door. The impact is resounding.

"If that was a purse, you have to open the door first!" the dwarf informs them happily. "I'll be back in ten minutes with a bucket of cold water!"

Nathaniel mutters under his breath and starts packing their things into bags as quickly as possible.

"Got your shoes on? Do you need to relieve yourself?"

[apostasy]

Anders appeared to be as put together as he was going to get. For a Tranquil, that meant being very neat. "No," he replied after doing a mental check of his body. "We can leave any time you are ready."

[pinprick]

"Come on, old man." Nathaniel loads a few things into Anders' arms with an apologetic glance. "Earn your keep."

They're on the road quickly, and everything seems to be going smoothly. But Nathaniel's spirits are low, a cloud of gloom settling over him. Anders is behind him on the horse, a solid weight in theory, but he still seems light enough to fly away. He's going to be afraid, every time, that Anders won't come back to himself this time. Yes they are going to cure him, but what if it doesn't work any better than Justice's efforts? What if it makes him worse?

Feeling strangely desperate, he tries to sing and hopes Anders will join in.

"You know Andraste's old Mabari.
He don't show up in the Chant.
And if you ask those holy sisters,
Well, they'll say Andraste can't
Have had some big old smelly wardog.
But all Ferelden knows it right;
Our sweet lady needed someone
Who would warm her feet at night."

His singing voice is comparable to an asthmatic gargling rashvine nettles, but it's better than the silence.

[apostasy]

Anders doesn't join in, but he does put an arm around Nate and press a little closer. There's something about Nathaniel's voice that Anders, even in this state, senses that he's drawn to. Listening to him sing is a little distracting, but in a way that is different than a difficult task might be.

[pinprick]

Nathaniel was just about to stop, but feeling Anders draw close like that surprises him into continuing the song, stuttering a bit.

"A-and there's...Andraste's mabari
By the Holy Prophet's side.
In the fight against Tevinter,
That dog would never hide.
They say the Maker sent him special..."

Is it the music, or the voice singing it that captivates Anders? Anders always loved his voice. Is the same thing happening, even when Anders cannot feel love or joy?

It's a long enough song that he's not yet finished when someone passing on the road hails them.

"Hoy there, Fereldans!" cries a man in a uniform, waving with a cheerful smile.

Nathaniel's voice falters. He raises a hand in greeting, hoping to pass them without further conversation, but the wagon and horses approach them and come to a halt.

"A moment of your time!" the first man calls. "We're from the Inquisition. We'd like news from the road ahead."

Nathaniel shrugs. "No cholera," he says helpfully.

"The Inquisition's been asked to investigate a case of arson not three days from here. Heard anything about it? Is he Tranquil?" The man points to Anders as if he's Nathaniel's prop.

[apostasy]

Anders pulled back enough so that he could look at the man speaking. His brand was in clear view. He was quiet though, letting Nate take control of the conversation.

[pinprick]

"He's hitching a ride with me to...Gwaren, is it?" He doesn't wait for Anders to confirm. "Somewhere where I'm not going, anyway. I'm getting him as far as Honnleath. After that he's on his own.

"As for the fire, I heard of it. Guard checked me on the way into the last town. Said something about arson. I didn't ask him more. I don't like knowing too many things people in uniforms might want to ask me about."

"You're not the only one," the scout says with a grin. "What're you traveling for?"

"Granddad finally died. I went to take a peek at the will. Long story short, not rich yet."

The scout bobs his head. "My condolences. For your grandfather, I mean. You have any documents, any identification?"

Nathaniel shows him both their papers. They get let off shortly, and ride at a normal pace until the party is out of sight. Then Nathaniel starts to go faster.

"Well. Either they bought it or they didn't. What the fuck is the Inquisition doing investigating this?"

He glances back at Anders.

"I mean it. If you have an idea, I'd like to hear it."

[apostasy]

"Some believe that the Inquisition should have had a hand in my judgement. The Chantry allowed me to stay with the cult, but the Inquisition has been gaining power and many see it as the final say." Anders pointed out. He moved his arm back around Nate to keep himself steady as they got faster.

[pinprick]

"High-profile criminal thought to be among the dead?" Nathaniel considers this. "I don't believe for a moment any of them think you did it. They wouldn't know it's possible. They might figure it as some manner of terrorism or revenge killing, and the locals asked for Inquisition help. And went about it quickly, I might add."

[apostasy]

"They do have influence throughout Thedas," Anders pointed out. He shifted a bit against Nathaniel and pressed into his back.

[pinprick]

"Yes, but they operate out of the mountains. The message would need to get to them, and their orders would take the same amount of time to reach here. You and I have been traveling hard all this time and we're barely away. Even a raven flying from here to the border takes longer than that to travel."

[apostasy]

"Perhaps they were already here?" he suggests after a moment of thought.

[pinprick]

"It's not about them, it's about their orders. They couldn't possibly have got their orders in the time they did."

[apostasy]

"What do you think happened?" Anders asked after another moment. He seemed to be asking more to be helpful than out of actual curiosity though.

[pinprick]

"I think they're not Inquisition. I suspect someone wants to pay lip service to bringing an arsonist to justice without involving someone who might go about it too justly."

[apostasy]

"Perhaps they are the left over members of the cult?"

[pinprick]

Nathaniel chokes. "There are more members of your cult?"

[apostasy]

"They aren't my cult," Anders pointed out blandly. If he had been himself there would have been an inflection there, a bit of offense taken, but now it's just a calm statement. "They hate magic. There are many people in the world who hate magic."

[pinprick]

"That cult, that held you, there are more people in it? People we have to worry about?"

[apostasy]

"I do not know how many members they had. It is possible that they belong to another organization."

[pinprick]

"Maker." Nathaniel rubs his temple. "They're probably counting bones right now. They'll want to make sure everyone is accounted for."

He starts the horse cantering now preparing for a full gallop.

[apostasy]

Anders' arms squeeze Nathaniel then to hold onto him.

[pinprick]

They ride hard for the rest of the day, until they find a spot to camp well away from the road and sheltered by a tall bluff. They start no fire, only munching cold rations and wrapping up in blankets against the wind. Nathaniel holds Anders close to sleep and prays for his return.

It doesn't happen. A few days pass with Anders Tranquil, and Nathaniel starts to wonder if Justice got killed off for good. Three days later, they wake up in the loft of a small Chantry. Nathaniel prepares to go for the morning, then pauses at the altar to pray.

Andraste, pray for us. Pray for Anders. Even those who have done wrong in his sight have the love of the Maker, and Anders paid for his crimes long before they were committed. Please show him the mercy given to everyone else. It seems overdue, frankly.

Four days, and Nathaniel is exhausted. They stop frequently but never for long, and he aches for a good night's sleep. He is beginning to despair of Anders ever returning. They have entered the Hinterlands, and Nathaniel stops them both to give Anders and himself a good bath in a cold stream. To do otherwise is asking for sores. Soap, water, a good scrubbing of skin and washing of hair can do no harm.