tran·quil·i·ty - the quality or state of being calm.

[apostasy]

Anders only dimly remembered being caught. It had been such a stereotypical stormy night. He remembered being soaked and weak as hunger had made his entire body feel like it was weighed down. He remembered that he had been feeling that, but he couldn't exactly recall exactly what it felt like. It seemed so far away.

He could remember fighting, killing some of them, and struggling against all of their attacks despite the futility. He remembered panicking when they told him what they had in store for him. He just couldn't remember why he had been so worried. Even the panic seemed so far away.

His entire body rocked as his Caretaker finished with what he was doing and then rolled off of him. It was strange, how his mind wandered back to that night when he with the older man.

"Clean up and get dressed," the Caretaker said as he got up. "You're expected downstairs."

Anders obeyed because orders were easy things to focus on. He was dimly aware that he had been so afraid of being used this way, before. It just couldn't filter through as to why. Even now, it seemed more of a chore than anything.

The robes that had been laid out for him were form fitting and light. They hugged his body and showed off how thin he really was. He had on a gold collar too, something the Caretaker had put on him long ago and told him never to remove. He pulled up his hair and got most of it out of his face. Moving it exposed the brand on his forehead. He remembered being so upset over the idea of having one, and now it seemed so normal, expected.

Downstairs was the research library. They were looking into stronger ways to Silence mages without branding them and Anders had been invaluable with the process.

Everyone around him seemed to find that terribly funny, but Anders couldn't respond to their snickering. He could do anything other than what he was told.

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[pinprick]

Nathaniel turns and pulls Anders into his arms with a weary sigh.

"You don't drag me down. Bastards like that cult drag me down. The people who hurt you, the people who want other people to hurt you, they drag me down. You're the one who makes all of that worthwhile. My parents never had that. I...don't really know if there are many who do."

[apostasy]

Anders melts into the hug for a bit and then nuzzles Nathaniel's neck for a moment, enjoying the closeness. He sighs a bit.

"Thank you."

[pinprick]

"For what?"

Sometimes Anders has this way of responding to him like Nathaniel is just being nice and nothing more. It hurts.

[apostasy]

"For... saying that I make all of this worthwhile. That dealing with me, even when I'm like that, is worthwhile. You could easily abandon me and you haven't.

You're the only one who hasn't."

It's much less that he thinks Nathaniel is just being nice as much as he's so self-centered at times, sometimes with good reason, that its hard for him to see past what is in his own head.

[pinprick]

Nathaniel tangles his fingers in Anders' hair and touches their foreheads together. "You're wrong. Abandoning you would take far more strength than I have in my body. I spent too long without you, my heart. We won't be parted again."

[apostasy]

And there's something so heavy in those words that settles well on Anders' heart. He feels as if his whole life he's only wanted someone to feel that way about him.

"I love you," he said after a moment, not really able to think of anything else to say.

[pinprick]

"I love you too." Nathaniel holds him close now, basking in their proximity. Then, because practical concerns must happen, he rubs Anders' back before asking, "Are you hungry?"