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There is a cure for the darkspawn taint. It's as risky as the Joining, but it's a cure. Nathaniel hasn't decided how he feels about it, but thinks he will go through with it at least when the Calling comes. That would make death quicker if it did not stave it off, and perhaps give him a life with Anders.
For now, he loves being a Warden. He isn't sure what he will do if Anders decides to take the cure before he does, but that will be a question long awaiting an answer. Today, there is a different question to settle, one he does not yet realize is waiting to be asked.
For now, he loves being a Warden. He isn't sure what he will do if Anders decides to take the cure before he does, but that will be a question long awaiting an answer. Today, there is a different question to settle, one he does not yet realize is waiting to be asked.
He hadn't known what to think, when he first heard about the cure. The Wardens had put so much on the line to save his life. Not only that, but if he left, there might not be any safety for him. Some memories are long. But as the day goes on, his mind turns to what he could do, he and Nate could do, with so many more years, and there's one thing that especially stands out: family. Anders has always wanted children, but knew it wouldn't happen. Now? The biggest obstacle is gone.
When he gets back from patrol, he finds Nate and wraps his arms around his partner's middle, resting his cheek against Nate's back.
"Guess who," he mumbles.
When he gets back from patrol, he finds Nate and wraps his arms around his partner's middle, resting his cheek against Nate's back.
"Guess who," he mumbles.
Nathaniel's hand comes up from twisting his bowstring to rest over Anders'.
"I have no idea," he says dryly, but still twists his head to claim a kiss. He likes this, the familiar and casual adoration. An everyday worship. There is no such thing as less is more here, no light touch or subtlety. They've gone so much of their lives without love that they want to fill it to the brim now.
"I have no idea," he says dryly, but still twists his head to claim a kiss. He likes this, the familiar and casual adoration. An everyday worship. There is no such thing as less is more here, no light touch or subtlety. They've gone so much of their lives without love that they want to fill it to the brim now.
He leans up to kiss Nate back.
"So you'd kiss anyone who hugged you then? Suddenly I feel less special." It's said with clear teasing as he savors the easy moment. If they do this, if Nate's on board, Anders has to share Nate and Nate's kisses. He finds he doesn't mind this.
"Though I could find reason to be more lenient and understanding of someone else getting to hug you." He likes doing this, saying something that Nate won't understand and the archer will turn over and try to figure out before asking what Anders means.
"So you'd kiss anyone who hugged you then? Suddenly I feel less special." It's said with clear teasing as he savors the easy moment. If they do this, if Nate's on board, Anders has to share Nate and Nate's kisses. He finds he doesn't mind this.
"Though I could find reason to be more lenient and understanding of someone else getting to hug you." He likes doing this, saying something that Nate won't understand and the archer will turn over and try to figure out before asking what Anders means.
He tries for a second.
"Zevran again?" Nathaniel has a hard time thinking of inviting anyone but Zevran into their bed, so he gives Anders a slightly skeptical look. Unless...Anders is doing that thing where he says something completely incomprehensible without a vital bit of information he has yet to divulge. Sneaky bastard.
"Zevran again?" Nathaniel has a hard time thinking of inviting anyone but Zevran into their bed, so he gives Anders a slightly skeptical look. Unless...Anders is doing that thing where he says something completely incomprehensible without a vital bit of information he has yet to divulge. Sneaky bastard.
He grins. The conclusion makes sense, and the look Nate's giving him makes the deliberate delay entirely worth it.
"Actually, no. I was..." The grin softens, tones down. Nate probably has a good idea of how much Anders has wished for a child, but Anders doesn't want Nate to feel pressured. this has to be something they're both on board with, 100%. "I was thinking of something a lot more long-term. There's a cure, now. We could have longer lives. We could... We could think about having a family. More of a family."
"Actually, no. I was..." The grin softens, tones down. Nate probably has a good idea of how much Anders has wished for a child, but Anders doesn't want Nate to feel pressured. this has to be something they're both on board with, 100%. "I was thinking of something a lot more long-term. There's a cure, now. We could have longer lives. We could... We could think about having a family. More of a family."
That gets a surprised blink. Nathaniel's gaze breaks away as he absorbs the idea. Yes, he'd seen Anders do some baby-crazy things. Seeing as how they're both men, he had thought it a dream he'd already said goodbye to, a wish for another life.
And there's a brief, stuttering moment where he looks back at Anders with a squint, unable to stop the question:
"Magic can do that?"
And there's a brief, stuttering moment where he looks back at Anders with a squint, unable to stop the question:
"Magic can do that?"
"...What?"
Magic can do what? He can't follow... unless Nate's asking about one of them actually having the baby.
"What?" It's a different what, now. "No. No, it can't, the organs, the body, no, I mean adopting. An orphan. I can't, we can't... We're men."
Magic can do what? He can't follow... unless Nate's asking about one of them actually having the baby.
"What?" It's a different what, now. "No. No, it can't, the organs, the body, no, I mean adopting. An orphan. I can't, we can't... We're men."
"Oh." Nathaniel's eyes widen briefly, privately, at himself. "Yes, of course. I meant--"
No, there's no way to salvage that. He rubs his face.
"You're free to laugh about that for a minute and a half while I. Think about this."
Because pushing past the dumb question, Nathaniel has done very little of the considering of having children. At first, it was simply a fear of emulating the parenting of his own parents. Then, he was with another man, and it never occurred to him to...do what? Snatch up an unwanted orphan?
That's actually a really, really good idea. If Nathaniel is suited for it.
"I don't--Anders, I'd be a terrible father."
No, there's no way to salvage that. He rubs his face.
"You're free to laugh about that for a minute and a half while I. Think about this."
Because pushing past the dumb question, Nathaniel has done very little of the considering of having children. At first, it was simply a fear of emulating the parenting of his own parents. Then, he was with another man, and it never occurred to him to...do what? Snatch up an unwanted orphan?
That's actually a really, really good idea. If Nathaniel is suited for it.
"I don't--Anders, I'd be a terrible father."
He's trying very hard not to laugh, but his eyes aren't hiding any of his amusement as Nate considers the real question. Magic letting them have a baby. Nine months is an awful lot of work, especially when there are always orphans and the both of them are still Wardens.
The amusement dies down at the answer, and Anders gives Nate a squeeze. "I don't think you would be. You can love me. But I know it's a large topic, and daunting." And that Nate had two bad parents.
"I feel that love is the most important thing to give a child. Aside from food and water and shelter. Your heart, love, is one of the kindest I've ever known."
The amusement dies down at the answer, and Anders gives Nate a squeeze. "I don't think you would be. You can love me. But I know it's a large topic, and daunting." And that Nate had two bad parents.
"I feel that love is the most important thing to give a child. Aside from food and water and shelter. Your heart, love, is one of the kindest I've ever known."
Ten years ago, he would be completely shut to the idea. But ten years ago, he'd been anxious about holding his own nephew, certain he was going to mess everything up. And his nephew is a wonderful child, full of love. And Nathaniel put some of that love there.
"Having a child...having a child with you..."
His fingers thread with Anders', and he turns to face him and touch their foreheads together.
"That's strange. Any time I've imagined myself as a parent, it was only me in the picture. I don't know why. Imagining a child with you is different."
That's a child that will never have to question whether it's loved, even on the days when Nathaniel is stoic and aloof, because Anders will be there to hold it tight and remind it. And somehow, the domestic picture feels more whole with a child than without. He and Anders can retire from the Wardens, provided they both survive the cure. Moving to the countryside to spend their lives together was the dream, but thinking of a child enriches the dream. Or maybe Nathaniel is just oddly sentimental today.
"Having a child...having a child with you..."
His fingers thread with Anders', and he turns to face him and touch their foreheads together.
"That's strange. Any time I've imagined myself as a parent, it was only me in the picture. I don't know why. Imagining a child with you is different."
That's a child that will never have to question whether it's loved, even on the days when Nathaniel is stoic and aloof, because Anders will be there to hold it tight and remind it. And somehow, the domestic picture feels more whole with a child than without. He and Anders can retire from the Wardens, provided they both survive the cure. Moving to the countryside to spend their lives together was the dream, but thinking of a child enriches the dream. Or maybe Nathaniel is just oddly sentimental today.
He squeezes Nate's hand, free arm going back around the archer's waist.
"Strange in a good way, maybe?" Ever since he and Nate became what they are to each other, he's daydreamed about it, them and a kid, or a couple of them since he'd always wanted a sibling and Nate's still close with his sister.
"We've, we'll have time for them, once we're retired. We can give them attention, affection, a home, stability, they'll distract you from all the cats I adopt..." It's so hard to feel like he's making a case without getting pushy, so the joke is needed.
"Strange in a good way, maybe?" Ever since he and Nate became what they are to each other, he's daydreamed about it, them and a kid, or a couple of them since he'd always wanted a sibling and Nate's still close with his sister.
"We've, we'll have time for them, once we're retired. We can give them attention, affection, a home, stability, they'll distract you from all the cats I adopt..." It's so hard to feel like he's making a case without getting pushy, so the joke is needed.
"Children," Nathaniel breathes, and finally a smile touches his lips. Children. Children with Anders, a family proper. It's not that he and Anders aren't enough, only that he and Anders are the beginning. It can be so much more. So much better.
"Strange in the best way," he says quietly, and leans in for a kiss. "We've both of us had it rough. We both of us deserve something normal. A real family. I want that, Anders. I want to have children with you. And I don't think they'd have to be of our blood for them to be ours indeed."
"Strange in the best way," he says quietly, and leans in for a kiss. "We've both of us had it rough. We both of us deserve something normal. A real family. I want that, Anders. I want to have children with you. And I don't think they'd have to be of our blood for them to be ours indeed."
He positively beams at Nate, returning the kiss and feeling his heart fill with joy.
"I want it too." Which is... absolutely obvious. He doesn't care, he's happy. "So we retire, we find a place, a place of our own, and then adopt a child. Together. A family of our own that's real and loving and ours."
Yes, Nate is his family, and he has enough of a family. But adding to it, sharing love further, is most definitely a dream. And now he has something huge to look forward to.
"I suppose we'll need to start looking for a place. For us."
"I want it too." Which is... absolutely obvious. He doesn't care, he's happy. "So we retire, we find a place, a place of our own, and then adopt a child. Together. A family of our own that's real and loving and ours."
Yes, Nate is his family, and he has enough of a family. But adding to it, sharing love further, is most definitely a dream. And now he has something huge to look forward to.
"I suppose we'll need to start looking for a place. For us."
Nathaniel and Anders are in their best clothes, Anders on Nathaniel's arm like a hunting hawk as they step into the Chantry-run house. The acolyte ushers them into a room where a priest is bent over in prayer. A whispered word is passed. The priest nods and gestures for the men to sit as the acolyte quietly abandons the room.
"Nathaniel Howe and Anders," the priest says gravely, taking her own chair and setting her aged hands on her knees. "There was a time I would never have imagined hearing either of you out in this circumstance. But you are unusual folk of equally unusual deeds, and your request is most unusual of all. I am willing to hear what you would say to make me consider giving a child to you. I am told you do not want a hand or a servant, but a child to call your own. If that is true, it reveals a great love in your hearts."
"Nathaniel Howe and Anders," the priest says gravely, taking her own chair and setting her aged hands on her knees. "There was a time I would never have imagined hearing either of you out in this circumstance. But you are unusual folk of equally unusual deeds, and your request is most unusual of all. I am willing to hear what you would say to make me consider giving a child to you. I am told you do not want a hand or a servant, but a child to call your own. If that is true, it reveals a great love in your hearts."
He's nervous, so nervous. He's done a lot of good in the most recent years, worked with all of his heart, but there's no real making up for what he had done. They might be rejected, and this is one of the few times when rejection would cut to the core. But the priest's words hold promise, and Anders glances between her and Nate before nodding and clearing his throat.
"We, neither of us, had childhoods that were... loving. Where we were precious. But I believe, we believe, that children deserve that. I want to show a child that they matter, that they can still have a family of the heart even if they've not one of blood, because other people showed me that." He'd been out of hope and alone, and one by one they'd shown him he didn't have to be.
The priest listens to his words and nods, still looking solemn before looking over at Nathaniel. "And you? Is he right in what he says for you both?"
"We, neither of us, had childhoods that were... loving. Where we were precious. But I believe, we believe, that children deserve that. I want to show a child that they matter, that they can still have a family of the heart even if they've not one of blood, because other people showed me that." He'd been out of hope and alone, and one by one they'd shown him he didn't have to be.
The priest listens to his words and nods, still looking solemn before looking over at Nathaniel. "And you? Is he right in what he says for you both?"
"Yes." Nathaniel's breath catches as he looks at Anders and squeezes his hand. "Yes. We want a family together. We have so much love, Mother. So much hope. We want more people in on it. We want a real family."
When he looks back at her, his eyes are misty.
"We want to bring that to a child who is like we were--unloved and unwanted."
The priest gives Nathaniel a stern look, briefly, but it is cut with pity. "Don't mistake a child who is given away for a child who is unloved or unwanted. But I know what it is you mean. You cannot have children together, so you will bring love to a child who cannot have parents."
Her head bobs for a moment. She looks at Anders keenly then, face grave.
"You killed children. But I also know that you saved children. I will not say that an equal number of children saved atones for the number of children lost. But there are many who speak for you. There are many who believe you are eager to atone for your wrongs. Would you take a child as a sacred duty, a chance to protect as much life as you once took?"
When he looks back at her, his eyes are misty.
"We want to bring that to a child who is like we were--unloved and unwanted."
The priest gives Nathaniel a stern look, briefly, but it is cut with pity. "Don't mistake a child who is given away for a child who is unloved or unwanted. But I know what it is you mean. You cannot have children together, so you will bring love to a child who cannot have parents."
Her head bobs for a moment. She looks at Anders keenly then, face grave.
"You killed children. But I also know that you saved children. I will not say that an equal number of children saved atones for the number of children lost. But there are many who speak for you. There are many who believe you are eager to atone for your wrongs. Would you take a child as a sacred duty, a chance to protect as much life as you once took?"
Maker, would he. He nods, trying not to be too hasty or look too eager. This is something to be taken seriously, for all the joy it could bring.
"I would. I'd protect and stand by them, support them. They wouldn't simply be loved as my own, they would be my own." Their child, their family, their love. "I know that, that being raised by me could be hard for them. That they'd have to face the terms of who one of their fathers is, and that it..."
That it might not go well. "But I will love them and do my best by them, no matter what the future brings."
She looks a little wry at his words, shifting at her desk. "Would that you though of that before you took so many lives." He doesn't answer. He doesn't have anything to say. She exhales and pulls out a small stack of papers. "I believe you believe your words and that you mean them. While we have a few sisters here that disagree, I'd already come close to a conclusion yesterday, after reading the paperwork you filled out. We have more than we can take care of, which means we're giving you a chance."
If he'd thought his heart pounding before, it has nothing on now.
"Are there any preferences? I can't guarantee we can grant them, but this way you may only view a few and don't get the hopes of too many children up."
"Mage blooded," Anders says without hesitation before looking back at Nate. "They'll have the most trouble finding a home, and whether or not they wind up being a mage, they'll be loved."
"I would. I'd protect and stand by them, support them. They wouldn't simply be loved as my own, they would be my own." Their child, their family, their love. "I know that, that being raised by me could be hard for them. That they'd have to face the terms of who one of their fathers is, and that it..."
That it might not go well. "But I will love them and do my best by them, no matter what the future brings."
She looks a little wry at his words, shifting at her desk. "Would that you though of that before you took so many lives." He doesn't answer. He doesn't have anything to say. She exhales and pulls out a small stack of papers. "I believe you believe your words and that you mean them. While we have a few sisters here that disagree, I'd already come close to a conclusion yesterday, after reading the paperwork you filled out. We have more than we can take care of, which means we're giving you a chance."
If he'd thought his heart pounding before, it has nothing on now.
"Are there any preferences? I can't guarantee we can grant them, but this way you may only view a few and don't get the hopes of too many children up."
"Mage blooded," Anders says without hesitation before looking back at Nate. "They'll have the most trouble finding a home, and whether or not they wind up being a mage, they'll be loved."
"And we will know just how to raise them," Nathaniel agrees with a nod at Anders. "If we have a child who is a mage, we will raise them responsibly, to be a good citizen in a changing world. They will know what to expect before their power ever manifests, if it does."
His own heart is pounding. He hadn't hoped to enter here and leave with a child, but somehow it's beginning to seem like a possibility.
The priest does smile now, and give a nod. "That does narrow the possibilities considerably. I believe I know just the child."
Nathaniel's heart slams against his rib cage.
"Unfortunately, it is not yet born. A young girl is due very soon, and her parents do not want the responsibility of a mage-blooded bastard." Her eyes flicker to Anders. "I think, of all people in Thedas, you will see to it that such a child is loved and protected."
Nathaniel looks at Anders, hope in his face, ready to leave this as his call. Maybe their baby hasn't arrived yet, but it could be on the way, and already he wants it more than he thought he could want a child he has not yet met.
His own heart is pounding. He hadn't hoped to enter here and leave with a child, but somehow it's beginning to seem like a possibility.
The priest does smile now, and give a nod. "That does narrow the possibilities considerably. I believe I know just the child."
Nathaniel's heart slams against his rib cage.
"Unfortunately, it is not yet born. A young girl is due very soon, and her parents do not want the responsibility of a mage-blooded bastard." Her eyes flicker to Anders. "I think, of all people in Thedas, you will see to it that such a child is loved and protected."
Nathaniel looks at Anders, hope in his face, ready to leave this as his call. Maybe their baby hasn't arrived yet, but it could be on the way, and already he wants it more than he thought he could want a child he has not yet met.
The hope he feels is so clearly mirrored in Nate's eyes that Anders can't help but break into a smile. They can make up for her blood family being unworthy. And she'll never know rejection, just acceptance.
"Yes," he says, holding Nate's hand tight. His father hadn't wanted him, but she'll have two fathers there for her. "That will give us time to set up her room for a newborn and find a wet nurse." He'd figured on them gettin someone a little older, but this changes nothing in his heart. He's ready to give this baby the best home possible.
"When is the expected due date?" Once they have that, they head into town and make the house ready, because this is happening. This is real. He has a man who lives him, who he loves in return, and soon, a child.
The details fall into place far more easily than expected too. The wet nurse is a woman he'd tended to when she'd broken her leg, a family whose children he'd healed of deep chest colds have a spare cradle they don't need anymore, and Nate has contacts there as well.
"We're going to need to start thinking of names," he says with an open smile as the room starts to take shape.
"Yes," he says, holding Nate's hand tight. His father hadn't wanted him, but she'll have two fathers there for her. "That will give us time to set up her room for a newborn and find a wet nurse." He'd figured on them gettin someone a little older, but this changes nothing in his heart. He's ready to give this baby the best home possible.
"When is the expected due date?" Once they have that, they head into town and make the house ready, because this is happening. This is real. He has a man who lives him, who he loves in return, and soon, a child.
The details fall into place far more easily than expected too. The wet nurse is a woman he'd tended to when she'd broken her leg, a family whose children he'd healed of deep chest colds have a spare cradle they don't need anymore, and Nate has contacts there as well.
"We're going to need to start thinking of names," he says with an open smile as the room starts to take shape.
Nathaniel is folding William's old baby things and smiling dreamily. They're going to have a proper nursery for a proper family.
"Adria for a girl, maybe?" he asks hopefully. "If you wouldn't mind. That's the only name that's really come to my mind."
"Adria for a girl, maybe?" he asks hopefully. "If you wouldn't mind. That's the only name that's really come to my mind."
He gives Nate a small smile. "I like it. Adria Teren, perhaps? Or Teren Adria?" The old Warden had meant a lot too Anders, and he's pretty sure she had to Nate as well. "I have one name, you've two, and our daughter could have three."
A glimmer of memory comes into Nathaniel's eye at that thought. It's so wonderfully whimsical of Anders, to fling around not only names, but quantities of names. Initially, they had imagined adopting a child that came with its own name. They might as well take advantage.
"Adria Teren," he says finally. "For a girl. I don't know about boys. I've never heard many boys' names I've liked. Even the ones important to me. Thomas--I don't wish that legacy on my son. Fergus--I can't imagine what the Couslands were thinking with that one."
"Adria Teren," he says finally. "For a girl. I don't know about boys. I've never heard many boys' names I've liked. Even the ones important to me. Thomas--I don't wish that legacy on my son. Fergus--I can't imagine what the Couslands were thinking with that one."
He doesn't wish the legacy that congress with this name on anyone either, but quietly he offers up "Karl." There are a few names he holds dear. This is one of them. Anders meets Nate's gaze.
"Karl for a boy. I'm not sure of a second name, Cole or Thrask or Samouel, but if they're wrong and she is instead a he, I want to name him Karl." A Karl who would finally have the life Anders had promised to his predecessor.
"Karl for a boy. I'm not sure of a second name, Cole or Thrask or Samouel, but if they're wrong and she is instead a he, I want to name him Karl." A Karl who would finally have the life Anders had promised to his predecessor.
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