PSL in which Justice goes off with Velanna

[justice_is_blond]

He's not that surprised the morning he wakes up to hear Velanna and Justice have disappeared. Truth be told, he's been thinking about doing much the same himself. There are more and more Templars running around, and while they've joined in body, he knows they haven't in spirit.

"Apostate," another hisses as he walks past Anders in the hall. That makes seven this week, and it's only Tuesday.

Anders reaches Nate's door and raps twice before opening it and looming in the doorway. It's not like the archer will have company.

"You're missing the warm exuberance of our newest Templars," he informs Nate. "They're almost being as affectionate as you. You should offer to show them your grip. They seem like they could use some help with their... grip." Maybe if they learn how to jerk off they could turn their inner jerk off. He feels very clever for thinking of that, and makes a mental note to share that gem with Oghren later. "Though you don't have to worry about your 'dourest face ' title being taken any time soon. Velanna left sometime last night."

Comments

[pinprick]

The door opens. Nathaniel looks puzzled and irritated, though he pretty much always looks irritated.

"What do you mean, Velanna left?" he asks, trying to look more irritated than hurt. He had tried so hard to make friends with Velanna, and if she's really gone? If she's gone, it means he never once got through to her.

The talk of Templars flies right by. Anders has always been paranoid about Templars--at least since Rylock, who had actually been as crazy as Anders had said. Nathaniel didn't particularly blame him for being paranoid, but it didn't mean the recent Warden-recruits were as bad as he suspected. They had given no reason to be suspected, as far as Nathaniel could tell.

[justice_is_blond]

One day, one day, Anders is going to walk in on Nate shirtless, and what a sight that will be. He imagines. Unless Nathaniel has a shirt underneath his shirt at all times. Anders wouldn't put it past the archer. One shirt alone might be just too salacious for the Howe.

"I mean, she and Justice gathered all few of her belongings and all two of his and headed off. No word of where they're headed, and they're not on any official business. They're gone. Probably off to rain condemnation and branches on the unworthy. They've certainly talked about it enough."

Truth be told, he's a little disappointed the spirit hadn't said goodbye to him. They hadn't seen eye-to-eye on a lot of things, but he'd felt like they had an understanding. And Velanna... Well, maybe he shouldn't have complimented Velanna's tattoos as much as he had. But they were sexy. He couldn't be blamed. Just like he can't be blamed for wanting to see Howe Nate looked without his shirt.

[pinprick]

"Wait, no." Velanna is distant and cold, and disdainful of most living things, but she wouldn't just leave. At least, she wouldn't just leave Nathaniel, after how hard he tried to make friends. All their conversations, all the hisses back and forth as he tried to wrangle her softer side out of her, he began to see glimpses of results, and she's gone?

His face pinches with disbelief and hurt, heart rate picking up as he starts to doubt his own perceptions. "You're mistaken. She wouldn't just leave."

[justice_is_blond]

Nate is frowning.

Then again, Nate is always frowning. Non-stop. Especially at Anders. Sometimes Anders thinks it's some sort of allergic reaction to anything fun or appealing, and then reminds himself that he's a healer so he could also be the cure to that reaction. Nate would frown harder if Anders said that.

"We could go look at her room, but I'm going to take what I'm hearing for truth, especially when I didn't see Justice doing his usual judgmental stare over breakfast. You know, it made the oats actually taste sweet this morning." Miss someone? Not him. He's a mage. Everyone comes and goes. ...Except Templars, they're always coming. He glares at one who is passing by the door, already glaring at him.

"Who can really blame her? This isn't exactly a mage-friendly atmosphere, and she has a sibling missing." A beat. "Come on. Let's go look. You'll doubt me otherwise, and there are going to be more bucketheads strolling by here soon now that they know where I am."

[pinprick]

"You're being paranoid." They'd already dealt with the worst of the Templars, that fanatic Rylock. Nathaniel follows Anders' lead, walking briskly toward Velanna's section of the barracks. "And more than a little egotistical. People are allowed to join the Wardens after having been Templars. Nobody would take the risk of the Joining just to get to you."

[justice_is_blond]

"You're being paranoid,'" Anders echoes. "There's no way Templars would go rogue to try to kill you, to the point of attacking the Warden Commander, Hero of Ferelden!"

He snorts. Standing alone is nothing new. Being ignored is nothing new. Honestly, he's a hair away from taking off himself. He'd taken a few months to himself before feeling guilty, but as the number of Templars increases and the number of possible allies decreases, the guilt is lessening.

They're at Velanna's rooms now, and Anders pushes open the door. Sure enough, it's devoid of everything personal. Gear, books, quill, everything.

"You're mistaken, Anders, Velanna wouldn't have just left." A beat. "I know, I know, who would listen to me? I'm just so pretty, you'd prefer to look over listening. If you apologize nicely, I'll let you look."

He won't get an apology or looked at, but maybe if he's lucky he'll get a roll of Nate's eyes.

[pinprick]

She really is gone. Nathaniel goes quiet for a moment. All that time, watching each others' backs, him opening up to her to try to make her feel more comfortable, and she just leaves?

"That bitch," he mutters under his breath.

Then Anders babbles his thing. Oh, Anders. Nathaniel does give him a roll of his eyes.

"One of these days," he says dryly, "I will accept your offer. Just to see you freeze."

[justice_is_blond]

Anders leans dramatically against the doorframe and bats his eyes.

"Promises, promises, Nathaniel. I look forward to that one day, when your taut bowstring of stern aloofness snaps. It can't be good to hold yourself so distant all the time. What's an archer who doesn't... release?"

He wonders if asking to be pierced with Nate's arrows is taking it too far. No, he doesn't wonder it. He knows it. Maybe he'll just almost say it.

"I've seen how accurate you are when you fire, but never up close and personal."

[pinprick]

Anders is always teasing. Nathaniel is sure he does it to deflect from more serious things, like Velanna leaving. If he chose something else to mock besides Nate's attractiveness, or lack thereof, Nate might not be brushing past him in the door now, scowling and determined to say nothing.

[justice_is_blond]

Anders sighs, disappointed but not surprised. He wonders if he'll ever get the reaction he wants from the archer. Probably not. Pushing off the doorframe, Anders falls into step just slightly behind Nate.

"And here I was, certain that blonds were your type." Before he can continue his attempts or go toward something more serious, a messenger walks up to them with sealed notes. Anders frowns as he opens his, frowns even more as he reads it.

"Worries of a Darkspawn nest, of course. But why alongside Rolan and his favorites?" He sighs before realizing he's showing far more than he wants to. Nate's going to mock his worries. "Right, right, I know, if I only flirted with them the way I did you, they'd love me in no time."

He's standing alongside company, and yet feels so alone.

[pinprick]

Nathaniel takes the note from him to skim it, but what he hears from Anders takes priority over the orders in his hand. He gives Anders a baffled look. Because this isn't deflection. It's one of the rare times Anders seems to be saying what he feels.

"Is that what you think?" His eyes narrow. Maybe Rolan and the others haven't deliberately infiltrated the Wardens as a conspiracy against Anders, but they can sure as hell harass him out of habit. "Have they said something to you?"

[justice_is_blond]

Is someone... actually listening to him? No one's done that before, not Jonas, not Velanna, not Nate. Maybe Justice from time to time, but now Justice is gone and Anders doesn't miss the spirit at all.

He studies Nate, trying to figure out if this is a trap. But Nathaniel is never subtle or cruel like that.

"They stop me in the halls." The words come very slowly, as if Anders is ready to be stopped or talked over at any time. "They tell me my time will come, that they'll have revenge for what I did to Rylock and the Templars who died in the attack on Vigil's Keep. You know, the ones who were obviously killed by Darkspawn. They still call me apostate, never use my name. They hate me."

His arms cross a little defensively in front of him. Never has he had the opportunity to say this much before. No one would listen. Nate might still shut him down. "It's not paranoia when they legitimately all want me dead."

[pinprick]

There's a long pause, during which Nathaniel starts cursing himself for brushing off Anders' concerns every time. This is far, far worse than he thought. One hand almost touches Anders to reassure him, then aborts the motion and rubs his own bottom lip instead.

"Why didn't you say this before?" he asks, hushed. Though he knows the answer, really. If he'd brushed off the small concerns, how could he be trusted with the big ones?

[justice_is_blond]

He gives Nate a look of disbelief.

"Why would I think anyone would listen? You were mocking my worries earlier. Everyone thought my concerns with Rylock were hilarious, listen to Anders, he's panicking because of Templars again when he's a Warden."

Beyond the actual fear he normally tries to hide showing, there's a little hurt in there.

[pinprick]

"Anders--"

And what, exactly, can Nathaniel say in his own defense? He'd been playing the same mind game Howes always do, that if I say it's not so then you're crazy for thinking it is so. And with something that could actually hurt Anders, something that has been created to hurt Anders.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. And I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, all right?"

He is so close to touching him, but Howes don't touch. Not unless someone else initiates it. And Howes never initiate.

[justice_is_blond]

Nate's apologizing. Apologizing, offering protection, and is so very close. Studying him, Anders swallows. Hard.

"Well. I've always wanted a strong protector, especially one taller than me, with dark hair and striking features." He can't take this too seriously. It's not safe to.

Reaching up, Anders brushes his thumb along Nate's jawline. His hand is trembling a little; despite trying to act like he's fine and teasing, Anders is interested as well as scared of the Templars. Opening up is hard, though. His gaze flickers up to meet Nate's so very briefly. It's too much of a risk to show that maybe he means the flirting. The Templars everywhere are a heavy reminder of that, and what he's lost before.

[pinprick]

Nathaniel feels the tremor in that hand, and without thinking, he is pulling Anders into an embrace, holding him close to show the strength in his arms, his chest, that there is nothing to fear with him nearby. Maybe this close, their hearts can communicate, and Anders will understand how desperately sorry Nathaniel is for being so jaded and callous.

"I'll protect you," he says softly, though he is only so confident that he can do so. No, confidence doesn't enter into it. It's an inevitability, not a promise. "You don't have to be afraid anymore."

[justice_is_blond]

Oh, Maker preserve and protect him. Anders has wanted Nathaniel to bed him for so long, but instead now there's a risk of emotions getting into it too. He wants emotions. He wants so much so badly... and not fifteen minutes ago the archer had been ignoring his flirting.

This is probably just friendly. That doesn't stop Anders from embracing Nate back, and fitting his body to the other's.

"My hero." There isn't any mocking in his voice. Though, when he pulls away again, there's definite teasing in his eyes and the waggle of his eyebrows. "Will you share a tent with me then? Maybe... more?"

Leaving things too serious for too long is terrifying. Especially when out there, in Kirkwall, is Karl.

[pinprick]

An impatient sigh, but this one is rather half-hearted and very nearly related to a laugh.

"We'll talk about it later," he teases right back. "We have to be ready for tomorrow."

He breaks hold of Anders and flashes a smile at him, making sure he knows he meant what he said, and he's still watching. Let those ex-templars show their faces, and try to fulfill their threats. Nathaniel will show them their place.

[justice_is_blond]

A smile.

He just got a smile from Nathaniel, as well as teasing, as well as someone listening to him. He's probably dreaming.

"Tomorrow. Right. I suppose I should go and start to pack." His own smile dims a little; this is the first mission where he won't have to pack extra food for Ser Pounce-a-Lot. But he's quick to recover. Already he's been listened to more than he'd imagined possible; there's no need to risk Nate getting tired of his complaining.

Anders gives Nathaniel a wave. "I'll see you bright and early in the stables."

[pinprick]

"Yes." Nathaniel feels his heart flutter, his hand lifting to deliver a waggle of his fingers. He has to be prepared. He won't let anything happen to Anders while they are away. That means he has to be a one-man army, the chevalier's squire.

It's difficult to sleep that night. When he wakes up, he feels like he has been fried in a pan. Pouring himself out of bed, getting a little breakfast, and preparing his horse in the stables are all tasks he manages half-asleep. But he sees Anders, and they manage to mount their horses and get on the road all right.

It's when it's just them and Rolan's men that things go sour. Nathaniel had believed his presence would deter any action, but he was wrong.

[justice_is_blond]

The morning had started poorly to begin with, Jonas being gone and making it impossible to report his concerns before they headed off, glares as people were getting set up, but he'd managed a tiny fraction of hope from Nate's presence.

It didn't last long. The looks start right away, the little comments, the way it's his snack that gets dropped onto the ground as they're riding, and so on. He can deal with the small things.

As evening falls and they make camp, though, the atmosphere is a lot more tense. The Templars mutter to each other and shoot glances his way. He starts another campfire and gives Nathaniel a nervous glance, wondering if the man is seeing this.

[pinprick]

If only. Nathaniel has noticed very few of the little things. He is occupied by the tasks at hand, and even now is breaking kindling into manageable sizes. When Anders sits nearby and starts his fire, he doesn't look up.

"We might share a tent tonight," he says quietly, casually. "If you would feel better about it."

[justice_is_blond]

If he would feel better about it. It's probably a good thing that the Howe isn't looking at him, as the look Anders is giving him does not convey much faith in Nathaniel's intelligence. Time to deflect, clearly, since they're being listened to.

"Mm. I'd enjoy that. You'd be excellent for keeping me warm." He bats his eyes and leans in, the very picture of flirtation. The current glare-giver sneers for a moment before looking away, but at least she's looking away now. He's got a short break while he flirts.

[pinprick]

There's a running joke among the Wardens about spooning for warmth and space conservation at night. The joke is that it happens all the time. It does happen all the time.

"Not as a metaphor for sex."